27 Strange and Vaguely Creepy Vintage V-Day Cards

via BuzzFeed

“1. Love is swell until you’re bludgeoned to death by a psycho jealous ex.

Love is swell until you're bludgeoned to death by a psycho jealous ex.

The dog tried to warn them.

2. Speaking of bludgeoning:

Speaking of bludgeoning:

If you get this card, RUN!

3. Um, yeah there are laws against this!

Um, yeah there are laws against this!

4. She learned it wasn’t a hot tub the hard way.

She learned it wasn't a hot tub the hard way.

5. Little known fact: The boy in the card was modeled after a young Dick Cheney.

Little known fact: The boy in the card was modeled after a young Dick Cheney.

6. I’m guessing pen is a euphemism for something else.

I'm guessing pen is a euphemism for something else.

7. Wait, did he murder and cremate a woman?

Wait, did he murder and cremate a woman?

8. What’s going on here?! Why does that dirty old snowman have that smile on his face?

What's going on here?! Why does that dirty old snowman have that smile on his face?

9. A rather direct request by this Popeye impersonator.

A rather direct request by this Popeye impersonator.

10. I now have a new unholy creature to haunt my dreams:

I now have a new unholy creature to haunt my dreams:

Don’t stare directly into it’s eyes, it will steal your soul.

11. I don’t think she is being surprised as much as she’s being suffocated!

I don't think she is being surprised as much as she's being suffocated!

12. On the next episode of TLC’s Strange Sex:

On the next episode of TLC's Strange Sex :

13. Wow, that got inappropriate quick.

Wow, that got inappropriate quick.

15. Who doesn’t want to be “juiced” *wink, wink* on Valentine’s Day?

Who doesn't want to be "juiced" *wink, wink* on Valentine's Day?

17. Those eyes! That stare! That look definitely says, “I’m NOT gonna be ignored, Dan!”

Those eyes! That stare! That look definitely says, "I'm NOT gonna be ignored, Dan!"

18. Yeah, I had to look at this card twice too.

Yeah, I had to look at this card twice too.

19. That wink says you’re next to be butchered.

That wink says you're next to be butchered.

20. Was she cryogenically frozen?

Was she cryogenically frozen?

21. I like where this is headed!

I like where this is headed!

22. I’m thinking this was no accident.

I'm thinking this was no accident.

23. Is this the perfect card for anyone with a fish fetish?

Is this the perfect card for anyone with a fish fetish?

24. The card that says “Just so you know my love for you is less than my love of Big Macs.”

The card that says "Just so you know my love for you is less than my love of Big Macs."

25. Nothing says “I love you” like a creepy clown.

Nothing says "I love you" like a creepy clown.

26. Just a gentle reminder: You’re SINGLE on Valentine’s Day.

Just a gentle reminder: You're SINGLE on Valentine's Day.

27. Clearly, the message here is that there is only one thing to do if you’re dateless on Valentines’ Day:

Clearly, the message here is that there is only one thing to do if you're dateless on Valentines' Day:

Via vintag.es
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